Parenting

  • Do you feel any expectation to have a baby, or that people expect you will have a baby?
  • How has being a mother, or a potential mother, impacted your life?
  • If you have had a baby, how did you feel emotionally the first few months after giving birth?
  • What was your experience of telling work about your pregnancy?

Why the contribution is important

Being a parent is a demanding role, whether it be with a partner or alone.

These are just a few ideas to get you thinking about your experiences.

You're welcome to answer as many of the above questions as you like, write about something else that's related, or make a suggestion.

Thank you for voicing your thoughts.

by Megan_LeicesterCC on October 28, 2019 at 02:25PM

Current Rating

Average rating: 5.0
Based on: 1 vote

Comments

  • Posted by Lwmommy January 10, 2020 at 17:02

    As a parent to a 5 year old I find managing school holidays exceptionally difficult, not helped at all by a significant lack of holiday care in Leicester city. Between myself and my husband we have 10 weeks leave, there are 13 weeks school holidays so 3 weeks unaccounted for even if we have no time off together at all. Leicester council supported schemes only seem to operate 10-3 which is useless if you work full time. Instead we have to use a nursery where 90% of the children are under 4 so it’s really not ideal.

    I appreciate funding is tight, and don’t expect subsidised rates but there has to be something the council can do to offer city centre based holiday care 8am-6pm?
  • Posted by lahha12 January 22, 2020 at 14:32

    There is a Leicester Civil Service Playscheme at the Lancaster School that runs from 8.15 to 5.30 (I think) It's open to LCC staff.
    https://mychoice.leicester.gov.uk/[…]/Leicester-Civil-Serv
  • Posted by JE January 22, 2020 at 16:10

    Do you feel any expectation to have a baby, or that people expect you will have a baby?

    Oh yes! The comments are so patronising:
    "Just you wait till that biological clock starts ticking!"
    "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man."
    "Why on earth not? Being a mother is so fulfilling."
    "You'll regret it if you don't."
    "When is it your turn?" [Usually said at a baby shower/christening/family event related to children]

    Once over 40, the comments stopped. The biological clock never ticked. I didn't change my mind (despite having a long term partner). My life is fulfilling and without regrets related to my lack of progeny. Fostering and maybe adoption are both things I would consider.

    I wish people would not make such personal comments about something that is, quite frankly, none of their business.
  • Posted by Aquarius2010 February 04, 2020 at 13:27

    I was scared to become a mum knowing that I had suffered with low mood my whole adult life. It remains the best decision I ever made though and I feel as though the day I became a mum I became 'complete'. I think the impact becoming a mum has had on peoples lives are the reason for the insensitive comments - they are often from a place of kindness even if they don't feel it at the time.

    The comments don't stop when you have had one child - "When are you giving them a brother or sister?" carries on. Someone in my own family actually said "An only child is a lonely child" to me - words that still haunt me (I later found out that she was being defensive because she thought I was being judgemental about her having 2 children close together!!). After post natal depression, a baby I couldn't breastfeed (and health visitor judgement that I was therefore the worst mother ever to live), a solid eight and a half months morning sickness, continuing battles with my mental health and financial difficulty the idea of just popping out another baby seemed a million miles away.

    I know of women who have nearly died in childbirth, couples who have lost multiple babies through miscarriage and couples who plough their life savings into IVF yearning for a genetic family of their own. Not all women can afford to look after themselves at the moment let alone a family. Can you imagine making a comment about this to someone who lost a baby to cot death?

    In conclusion I feel that it is important that we speak openly about issues with each other in a supportive way without making assumptions. Assumptions are dangerous and we should all remember the accidental hurt we may be causing. This conversation is an opportunity to connect with each other and to understand how our individual lives are different and similar and for me that makes this important. None of us are the same (male or female) and so just because one of us has had a certain aspiration or experience it is not the same for everyone.
  • Posted by bclafton February 28, 2020 at 15:43

    How does being a mother impact on your life?
    I think the questionshuold be how does being a working mother impact on your life, because unless you are lucky enough to have a partner that earns enough to support the family on thier income alone, then most mothers find they must work.
    I had my two youngest children in my 30's and they are now teens. I am 51 this year. I have been divorced for 13 years. I am single and will neverbe in a relationship again so will remain a single parent. there is really no support for working parents and the benefit system has made it such that working part time is no longer an option. I am exhausted by having to be the sole bread winner, the sole parent, be accountable at work etc. there is no provision for kids over the age of about 9/10 so if you have to work in the holidays you are torn. You cant stay at home during all the holidays, but being absent form home means you cant supervise the kids properly and I feel like I am missing out on spending time with them. Working mums need more support.
  • Posted by Samea April 20, 2020 at 11:43

    I agree with the comment above. I know of women who are in unhappy relationships but cannot leave because of how they will be hit financially. They often sacrifice their careers or work part time so they can prioritise their family, then unfortunately if things go wrong in their relationships, they have limited options because they usually still have the responsibility of looking after kids while having to make ends meet on a part time income. Or those who have to reenter the workforce after a long gap sacrificing their time for family, find that they are no longer employable in the field they qualified in. Unless there is more equality culturally and actually and better support for women, they will be unfairly the poorer members of society.
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